Wednesday, September 3, 2014

29 weeks + pregnancy expectations

Ok, I'm gonna get real here for a minute. (Or ten.) Pregnancy is not what I expected it to be. It's definitely not all rainbows & butterflies like I imagined it would be.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely NOT taking this pregnancy for granted. It was not easy for us to conceive, and I thank God daily for this gift of life. I love feeling his rolls and kicks and movement, and I cannot wait to meet him in a few months. However, pregnancy has been physically and emotionally difficult.

I have had a lot of lower back pain (particularly in the SI joint) over the past 2 months. I thought I had it pretty much under control until last week, when my left SI joint completely flared up again and I could barely walk. I am still having pain with every step and movement, a week later. And yes, I've seen the chiropractor. Yes, I've done all the stretching & strength exercises that he's instructed me to do. I have never felt pain like this before in my entire life. (Which makes me nervous for labor... but I can't really picture anything being more painful than this. We shall see!)

Needless to say, I haven't been running. And it has been driving me crazy. I always expected that I would run right up until the end of my pregnancy. I would be that girl who ran 5 miles the day she gave birth. It doesn't help that people always ask me, "Are you still running??!" 

I feel like there's this pressure for pregnant mommas-to-be to keep go-go-going just like they did before they were pregnant. And I am sure it is just pressure that I am putting on myself, but it really messes with my head. Joe Schmoe on the street doesn't care whether I am still running at this point in my pregnancy, but I do. I have let myself get so wrapped in the idea of being a "pregnant runner mama" that I am losing sight of the big picture.

Also, I had this vision of running the Boston Marathon next April, just 5 months after Poppyseed arrives. The plan was to run right up until my due date, take 4-6 weeks off, get right back at it, and run the marathon in April. And be that super bad-*** mom who ran the Boston Marathon just 5 months after giving birth! But if I have to stop running 2 months before giving birth, how will I possibly get back into shape quick enough to run a marathon, let alone the Boston Marathon?!!

We visited home last weekend, and the pastor at church spoke on a subject that really resonated with me. He spoke from 1 Corinthians 1:1-9 about our restored identity in Christ. It doesn't matter what we do here on this earth. My identity is NOT defined by how many miles I run each week. It is NOT defined by how much exercise I fit in during this pregnancy. It is NOT defined by how much weight I gain. (Which is a whole separate topic in itself.) What is my identity defined by? My relationship with Christ. And that's it.

Let's just say I was humbled on Sunday morning, and made some realizations. If I am not that cute pregnant runner mama, that's okay. If I don't run the Boston Marathon, that's okay. (And I'm not even going to sign up next week, so there's no possible way for me to run it.) If I don't lose the baby weight right away, that's okay. What matters is that I am living my life in a way that is honoring to God, and putting Him first. That I am making decisions that are best for my family, not just what I want to do to make myself look and feel good.

So here we are, and I'm pretty much hanging up my running shoes. I am signed up for a 10km in two weeks, and if I can waddle through it, I will try... but no pressure. (I don't want to throw away my $35. And there are pumpkin donuts at the end.) If for some reason the pain goes away, and I can get back out there, I absolutely will. But, if I can't, no big deal. Running will be there for me in December. :)

And a random pic of a super cute baby gift we received this week... Poppyseed's first State Farm uniform! ("And what are you wearing, Jake, from State Farm? Khakis.") And no, Poppyseed's name is not Jake.

29 Weeks - The Facts

Poppyseed's size: Butternut squash! We ate some butternut squash pizza to celebrate. I kinda wish I had been doing this with the food all along.

Sleep: Pretty awful. The SI joint pain is worst when I'm lying down, especially when I try to roll over.

Movement: Tons of it. We can even feel specific body parts. Though I haven't been able to figure out which is what.

Running: Two runs for 8 miles total.

Cravings: We traveled back to IL Saturday morning, and I had my heart set on a McDonald's mocha. We stopped about 30 minutes into the drive, and their mocha machine was broken! Oh no. So we got back on the road, and stopped again, and fortunately the next McDonald's was able to provide the mocha. :)  

I also began to indulge my pumpkin cravings. I made pumpkin pecan scones at my mom's house on Monday morning. With a side of pumpkin spice coffee.... yummmm.

What I am missing: Running, ha. :-P Also, sleeping on my stomach.

Looking forward to: Childbirth class on Monday... we get to tour the birthing suite as well. And they are giving us pizza. Win win.


Debra Kinsinger said...

Sara - Been reading every blog you post! Wish I did something like this through my pregnancy. Just wanted to say I like this one a lot. It took us a while to get pregnant and I did not enjoy most of my pregnancy. I had lots of back pain too - but it's worth it! But I totally understand the point about not wanting to be ungrateful. I'll be praying for you, your health, and your little boy.
PS - baby classes were a lot of fun for us. We learned A LOT. Hopefully they're as beneficial for you too.

Isaac, Rachel, Sam, Caleb, and Grace Wofford said...

I think it's awesome that you were able to find encouragement through the Word to be willing to give up some of yourself (which is hard for us all to do!) In my experience with 4 kids, each time I have to fight with giving up more of myself, but God teaches us so much through it!
Also, I hope it's an encouragement to you as well, that I had a lot of back and hip pain with my first pregnancy and none with the last 3. So my take is that your body gets stretched out and then it's used to it?? Anyway, maybe it'll be better next time!

Claire Mizukawa said...

Sara, I don't know you personally, but I have been reading your blog for a while (I think you were featured on Skinny Runner forever ago?). Anyway, I feel kind of weird commenting but I really feel prompted to after reading this post. I had a baby girl last October and I also had visions of being that "cute, pregnant runner girl." It was really frustrating when things didn't work out like I had planned, even though I knew that just carrying a baby was a huge blessing, so I can totally relate to you! BUT, I believe, as you do, that God blesses our lives for putting His desires before our own, and for putting your family first. You will be an amazing running mama once your sweet boy gets here, and you'll find your new normal. I have actually gotten faster since having my baby (not nearly as fast as you, but fast by my standards)! Anyway, thanks for writing and I really LOVE your recipes!!!

Beth Lusk said...

Hang in there girl. I know its hard and hurty but the Lord will provide you strength and peace if you call on him. You're nearly to the end and its so worth it when you get to meet your little person! Probably a stupid question but have you tried a pillow between your legs? Thats the only way I could ever sleep from about 20 weeks on.

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